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What it feels like, not how it looks…

I haven’t written in months, since this all began. I’m not prepared to tell the whole story now, it’s not even over. I’m somewhere in the middle, beginning to recover but still uncertain about when I’ll return to a regular routine. My normal, as of now, is doing as much as I can in a given day without pushing myself too hard so that I don’t sink back down.

It’s not like I have cancer, or depression; nothing so dramatic or typical, medically speaking. It’s sleep apnea. Well, drawn out over a decade and compounded by other issues. We don’t know everything yet. That’s what the specialists are going to tell us, hopefully. “Us”? Well, yes, I got married this spring, which was during the height of the first wave of the Covid-19 pandemic, this year.

We’re happy, we’re a team, and we’re dealing with this together. “Team Wonderful”, she calls us, and I’m glad for it, and for her. I don’t wonder or worry where she’s been all my life, because she’s here with me. We’re deliriously sweet as a couple, one of those movies you see on that channel that gets derided for being what it is, only I can’t think of what it is right now.

It’s a leap for me to be doing this. I’m just writing, trusting my skill and mind to make something worth reading. Even if only for me. The leap is that because of the extended sleep deprivation and my physical condition my body has been in survival mode for a long time now. I’ve gotten used to running in the red, which of course isn’t good, but for a few months there I couldn’t do anything normally.

After having CPAP treatment for a month and some now I’m finally comfortable doing this. It’s not much, I know, but it’s a step. I should be recovering more quickly, but like I said before, we don’t yet have all the answers. Those are still on the way. I jokingly suggested to my wife that I’d blog about my experience, but I’m not sure I will.

I will come back here every so often to write things I feel comfortable with, here, and that’s it. I don’t have answers about when I’ll be back to “normal”, but … I do feel like there’s been some kind of progress, and that’s definitely a good thing.

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